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Masturbation

advice from our experts

Not Just Masturbation

Dear Dinah,

i have vaginal spotting/bleeding after i had heavy petting (his penis rubbing my vagina, without penetration) with a man i barely know. he uses his saliva to lubricate during the act. how much is my chance contacting an std in this manner? i masturbate a lot, too. could this also be the cause of the bleeding?

Dinah answers: Masturbation does not lead to bleeding unless you scratch yourself or insert something which injures you.

Heavy petting is usually a safe way a stimulating one another but what you have described is not quite “heavy petting”. Bringing his penis in contact with your vagina is risky both for STDs and for pregnancy. Using his saliva adds a small but real risk of STD transmission too.

Penis Changes after Masturbation

Dear Dinah,

I used to masturbate from age 15 and now am 19. the colour of my penis has gone from chocolate to dark. i think it is due to friction because i used too much force. it looks bad. what can i do to get the initial colour back? and below the head if have two white lines on either sides and below the penis i have small pimples which dont seem going away. please help me!

Dinah answers: Masturbation doesn't change the colour of your penis, it doesn't change your skin texture or leave any signs. If there are pigmentation changes, they were going to happen anyway during your maturation process.

What is not clear is whether you have had sex of any kind (oral, vaginal, anal or hand). If so, those two “pimples” could be condyloma, which are sores caused by the virus HPV. You need to get this checked out and treat the area, because it could spread, both on your genitalia and to a partner. In any case, neither condyloma nor spots are caused by masturbation.

Needing a New Masturbation Technique

Dear Dinah,

I am 31 and because of my religious beliefs, I have remained a virgin until I am married (or at least in love). Ever since I was a kid I have masturbated to porn by crossing my legs together and massaging my clit through the pressure of my thighs. Recently though, this is no longer enough, and my sexual frustration has been growing. So I broke down and bought a bullet. Vibrator. OMG, the feeling was awesome, but I did not climax/cum. Is my lack of orgasm due to the fact that I am new to using the vibe? Or is it because I have been masturbating one way for so long that I cannot achieve an orgasm any other way. So please tell me how to achieve this mind-blowing orgasm everyone is talking about!

Dinah answers: For a lot of women, orgasm takes a long time to learn to achieve. You can, as you say, get used to a certain type of stimulation which is then difficult to depart from, if it has been used for long enough. So I commend you on trying something new, and I think the bullet is a great start.

Of course, the kind of vibrations produced by a simple bullet (or most vibrators, for that matter) are not ideal for all women. They can be strong enough to excite you madly, but not subtle enough to suit some. I can suggest that you try using the vibrator to get you revved up, and then move to masturbating by hand, which is much more sensitive, or even doing what you used to do.

Don't expect it to happen immediately, just keep trying new sensations around the clitoris and enjoy the process until it happens.

One more suggestion: if you still use porn, I would lose it! I have no problem at all with fantasy, whatever works for you, but porn sets some abnormal and dishonest (not to mention misogynist) standards. If this is what you are learning to expect of sex, you will be very surprised. A good orgasm is truly fantastic but it is rarely similar to the fake stuff you see in porn.

Water Masturbation

Dear Dinah,

i am 22 years old and for the last 10 years i have masturbated with heavy water flow from the pipe, it gives lubrication and vibrations. I can do it 4-5 times a day, i am so worried, can it damage my virginity? Also, is masturbation through water flow during periods harmful or not?and is it harmful in any way??

Dinah answers: Using water flow may be environmentally unfriendly, especially if you use great amounts of water each day, but it brings no risk to you. Before vibrators were as common and accessible as they are today, many more women used water flow to masturbate. Not all women enjoy it, because it washes away the natural lubrication, but for those who get pleasure from it, there is nothing to worry about, not when you have your period or any other time. It cannot effect your virginity.

The only problem with masturbating in a very specific way on a daily basis, is that you can get used to a certain type of stimulation. Water flow can provide very intense stimulation, so you can sometimes try to diversify by using your finger on the clitoris, to experience something more sensual.

Masturbation Cut-Down

Dear Dinah,

I used to masturbate once per day, but I noticed that I didn't orgasm anymore. I would look at porn while doing it because it helped it come faster. I heard that once per day is too much and so I tried to stop completely for a month, but I can't stand to go more than a few days without doing it even though I don't feel anything. I stopped looking at porn completely, but I still masturbate every few days. Is there a way for me to get the feelings back? And I still want to go a few months without it. Is there a way for me to decrease my sex drive without risking it becoming permanent?

Dinah answers: I do not believe that there is a global figure that it “too much” or “too little” when it comes to masturbation. For some people, daily masturbation is their habit and they still have the drive to have sex in between, for other people, a few times a week or a few times a month is enough to offer them some pleasure or relief and they feel satisfied.

It seems that your choice of going-without for a month is not something that your body and sex-drive agree with. You have an internal sex drive, and you do not need porn for it to be felt. There are times when your sex drive will naturally drop, for example when you are depressed, stressed, sleep-deprived or on certain medications. And it will naturally increase, when you are in love or when you are surrounded by sexy stimuli and also when your body is in great shape. Sure, you can also get into the habit of just ignoring the drive, but I think that in the long term, you are going to be hurting yourself and your healthy connection with your sexual feelings.

I am not suggesting that you show no control and act on every impulse, but an act of masturbation that provides pleasure and relief, from time to time, is the most natural way to channel your body's needs when you do not have a partner (and often even when you do have a partner, but don't have the same sex drive).

Self-Service Worries

Dear Dinah,

i have been masturbating for 2 years. i do it every day but not using a dildo or any other objects. could it affect my hymen? i haven't had my period for 2 month now. i really need help.

Dinah answers: As I keep saying, masturbation is safe, whether you do it daily or occasionally. It cannot effect your period in any way, so you need to check out what else has made you miss a period: unsafe sex, stress or an extreme diet perhaps.

Keeping your hymen intact depends on how you masturbate. If you rub your clitoris and external areas only, you will not come in contact with the hymen so there is no way of tearing it. If you insert a finger or hand while masturbating, there is a chance of tearing the hymen. It does not mean that it will necessarily tear, but depending on its fragility, it might tear. Just keep in mind that if you have a fragile hymen, it could tear anyway from non-sexual activity like riding, so tearing it does not mean you have done anything wrong and it does not mean that you are no longer a virgin, if that is important to you.

Learning to Masturbate

Dear Dinah,

I just turned 18 this year and i started to masturbate by fingering myself. i'm still a virgin and intended to remain one until i'm married. It really need a lot of courage to do that-fingering myself. But then, i don't feel anything, i even inserted a dildo. Am i frigid? Will my vagina be loose? Can i tighten back my vagina? is it dangerous to masturbate during menstrual period?thank you.

Dinah answers: I hear you when you say it takes courage to masturbate. Many young guys, and even more girls, have been brought up being told it is wrong or that it is dangerous. Well, it isn't. It is a great way to learn to enjoy sexuality without doing any harm. But masturbation takes practice; get some pointers on how to go about it, and then keep trying, 5...10...maybe 20 times and when it starts feeling good, you'll be glad you didn't give up.

An important thing to know is that you do not need a dildo. All you need is a finger, to touch your clitoris. If you get tired, you can use a small vibrator, which will probably speed up the process, but you can definitely manage with your own hand and a bit of practice.

Stop worrying about the tightness of your vagina. It is perfect as it is, and when you choose a partner and have sex with him, your vagina will stretch as much as necessary. Of course you should do Kegel exercises anyway, all women should do them. They help keep you toned, help during childbirth and sex, and have many more advantages.

You are far from frigid, you sound to me as if you are full of positive expectations of yourself and your sexuality.

It is safe to masturbate clitorally during your period, in fact it can be very helpful to relieve period pains. I wouldn't recommend using a dildo, because any dirt that may get on it can be trouble during a period when your cervix is opened wider than usual, and therefore you can introduce infection.

Touching Myself and Satisfying Her

Dear Dinah,

I am 33 years old, I have been masturbating regularly, since I was 16. Now I am getting married soon. Will I able to satisfy my wife?

Dinah answers: There is absolutely not relationship between your masturbation and her pleasure. Satisfying a woman is all about exploring her body and her mind, finding the places and the mood that make her feel good and learning to stimulate them. You can do it with your penis, but it is much more effective with your finger(s) or tongue, and brain.

I would add that you should keep in mind the feeling of bringing pleasure to yourself and encourage her to touch herself, both so that she can learn (if she hasn't already) and she can show you what she enjoys.

Prefer the Orgasm from Masturbation

Dear Dinah,

I have been masturbating for several years. Now I am married and can do my wife for a long time. I please her a lot and she really enjoys. The only thing which is bothering me, is that I enjoy all the time while doing her, but at the time of orgasm, (while ejaculating inside her vagina), I dont feel that much pleasure which I used to have through masturbation.
What I want to say, that right at the time of "coming" I myself feel like that her vagina should grip my penis more tightly. I can cum inside her but not with that much pleasure, plus after coming I also feel like I was not able to completely ejaculate. Can you please tell me what possibly could be the reason for that? And what should be the cure which I should be doing now.
I want to get a pleasureful and complete orgasm without using my hand. Would be very thankful if you can suggest a solution.

Dinah answers: What you are describing isn't unusual. Some men get used to the stronger pressure of a hand, which the vagina can't possibly compare to. The solution is not in trying to make the vagina into a power tool, but rather to learn to enjoy lighter pressure and different sensations. You can practice masturbating with less pressure and you can also try enjoying the other exciting elements of vaginal sex, like the closeness and the special feeling of warmth and wetness that only the vagina provides. You should also enjoy her touch, so show your wife what you like and let her show you what she likes in return.

You may continue to feel that masturbating is a special kind of orgasm, and there is nothing wrong with continuing to enjoy it, as long as you don't expect all sexual acts to feel the same way.

Will Sex be like Masturbation?

Dear Dinah,

I am a 22 year old female and am still a virgin by choice. I have, however, had sexual contact (foreplay) with a few men and have only ever had two orgasms brought on by a partner, both of which took a rather extended period of time. When I masturbate, I am able to give myself multiple orgasms and have even had more than 20 in a session. I'm afraid that I may not be able to experience the same pleasure when I am finally ready for intercourse with my partner. I know that is somewhat common, but is there something I can do for myself to help it?

Dinah answers: By teaching yourself to orgasm alone, and very well I might add, you are doing most of what you can to improve your sexual experience with a partner. When you grow to trust a partner the way you trust yourself, and when you have enough intimacy to share everything with a partner, you should experience more orgasms in his company.

You may find, though, that no-one can ever give you the kind of orgasms that you can give yourself, but then you can never provide the closeness and joy that comes from great sex with a partner. Basically, its a win-win situation.

Masturbation Safety

Dear Dinah,

I have never masturbated ever before but my partner wants to do that and i am little bit afraid that it'll lead to losing my virginity or its safe to masturbate.
should my partner insert his finger into my vagina, is it safe?? i want to enjoy that but before that please make me sure that its safe to do.

Dinah answers: Masturbation is safe and it is even a healthy way to learn about one's own sexual response. Female masturbation generally involves stimulating the clitoris with a hand or a vibrator, which means it is far away from the hymen and therefore cannot effect your virginity.

Masturbation or sex play that involves entering a finger or an object into the vagina, may or may not break part or all of the hymen, depending on how wide the object is and how strong your hymen is. For almost all females, entering a finger would not tear the hymen, especially if it is entered pleasurably and without force.

I Must Stop Masturbating – Part 2

Dear Dinah,

Is there a certain way to make myself stop masturbating ??
I need a solution or a way..

Dinah answers: I am afraid there is no way that I know of to prevent masturbation that is safe and entirely healthy.

There are many historical methods that have tried to “cure” masturbation including teaching that is is dangerous and sinful, changing the diet (the founder of Kelloggs said that cornflakes would prevent masturbation), applying pain when you feel the need, wearing uncomfortable underwear and many more. None of these methods work.

If you really want to stop you are going to need to beat the urge in your head. I cannot be sure, though, that learning to repress your sexual feelings will be good for healthy sexual expression in the future.

I Must Stop Masturbating

Dear Dinah,

I have a problem. I am a 15 year old boy, I have masturbated for 2 years (Approximately once a day) & I really want to stop but everytime I stop for a week I return to masturbating. I REALLY NEED YOU TO HELP ME :)

Dinah answers: The urge to masturbate is absolutely normal and very powerful; the question is what you want to do with it. If you want to refrain from masturbation for religious reasons, then you are going to need to call on your faith to give you the control needed to overcome the strong call of nature.

If your reason for not wanting to masturbate is something else, like myths about masturbation being dangerous or abnormal, then you need to be re-informed that this is simply not true. At your age your sexual desire is growing and demanding an outlet. Masturbation is the safest way to deal with this and it is probably much more accessible and acceptable than finding a sexual partner.

But if you choose not to masturbate, or are doing so because you believe it is right for you, don't be surprised or confused if you have wet dreams (nocturnal emissions). Your body will want to eject sperm after a few days or weeks and replace it with new sperm; this arousal can trigger erotic dreams. Don't feel guilty if this happens, it is just your body changing and getting used to having a higher level of testosterone. This will calm down as you approach your 20's and thereafter.

Masturbation and My Penis

Dear Dinah,

I am a 27-year old unmarried guy. I have been masturbating for 7 years on an average 4 times a week. Now I feel my penis has become narrow at the base and the penis size is drastically reduced, the girth and length are reduced and even if I have an erection, I can’t last long. My penis has also been bent to the left side with the habit of right hand masturbation. I am getting married in the coming year. I don’t know whether I will be able to satisfy my wife. I am very frustrated about this bad masturbating habit.

Dinah answers: The size of your penis cannot be reduced by masturbation, in fact, it is the opposite. When you stimulate your penis, whether it is against your own hand or against your lover, you work the tissue, teach the blood vessels to engorge and strengthen the process of erection.

You mention that your penis is physically smaller, but this sounds like it the issue is that your erections aren’t as strong as they used to be. It is normal that this happens as you get older, but because you are still young for erectile problems, it may be worthwhile checking up if this is related to a physical problem, or if is your mental state (guilt, stress, anxiety) that is triggering it.

I would suggest you speak to a urologist or andrologist and remember that the sooner you deal with the problem, the better your chances of avoiding it turning into a bigger issue than it already is.

By the way, when it comes to satisfying a woman, penis size is one of many factors, and definitely not the most important. Learning how to use your fingers and mouth, long with her, and you’ll have a very satisfied wife.

Read more on penis size, on masturbation and on female sexuality

Masturbating Away your Fertility?

Dear Dinah,

I have been masturbating since my childhood. Can my sperm get non active after so much masturbation ? If my sperm are non active, can I get them active ?

Dinah answers: Actually, it is better for your sperm to ejaculate more often rather than less. Nothing happens to your ability to create sperm, or to the effectiveness of the sperm if you masturbate often. They simply get replaced by fresher ones.

It sounds like you are experiencing a bit of guilt about masturbating. You should read this article on myths about masturbation and know that while you are working on figuring what’s good for you psychologically, you aren’t doing any harm to your body or your fertility.

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