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Ask dinah  Safer Sex: Sexually Transmitted Diseases |
| advice from our experts |
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| Herpes and Blowjobs |
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Dear Dinah,
You say that there is a very low chance (maybe 1%) of getting an STD from receiving a blowjob if the penis has no cuts or sores. What about herpes? Can a guy get herpes from someone giving him a blowjob?
Dinah answers: I never use percentages when it comes to risk and I don't know of any other responsible source that does. Suffice it to say that most STDs that are spread through blood, semen and vaginal fluid (such as HIV, gonorrhea, hepatitis) are more easily spread through vaginal or anal penetration than through oral sex (on him or her).
Herpes, on the other hand, is spread through contact with sores on the skin. Not all herpes sores in the mouth are capable of infecting the genital area, but some are. It can be spread via blowjobs or going down on her. It can be spread to either partner.
Herpes is a virus that gets into the cells and stays there for life, appearing in sores from time to time. Herpes will not kill you, but you don't want to mess with it if you have a choice. So don't play around with percentages because any risk that can be avoided, should be.
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| Over-wearing a Condom |
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Dear Dinah,
About a week ago i had sex with a prostitute however i penetrated for less then a minute a decided to stop, as i stopped we were interrupted so i put my penis back into my underwear with the condom on, i later removed the condom but im worried that i could contract hiv from the condom contacting my underwear, and then my penis contacting my underwear, could i contract hiv from this and if so what are the chances? thanks
Dinah answers: You are correct is thinking that a used condom needs to be removed and disposed of. This is more important when there is semen or pre-cum inside, but theoretically speaking, even vaginal lubrication can contain small amounts of viruses and bacteria.
In reality, whatever small amounts of liquid were on the outside of the condom would dry up in a few minutes and with that, anything living (and unwanted) would die too.
In your situation, I would nevertheless wait the 3 month window period out and do an HIV test, just for your peace of mind. You can also get tested for other STDs in the meantime, because you shouldn't forget that they are usually easier to contract and more common. Also use a condom with every sexual partner from now, paid or not, until you're both tested and clean.
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| Gonorrhea and Chlamydia Tests and Signs |
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Dear Dinah,
I was with the only man I have been with for the past year for a visit (he lives 10 hours a away) three weeks ago. A week later he tells me he has gonorrhea and chlamydia and I gave it to him. I was tested by my doctor and told today I am negative. Can I still develop these from exposure to him if he caught it before he saw me?
Dinah answers: Gonorrhea symptoms tend to show up form 1-14 days after infection. With chlamydia it is usually from a week to 3 weeks, but both diseases can be contracted without any initial symptoms. This means that they have entered your body and can produce more damage in years to come but initially they are asymptomatic.
Blood tests, though, can let you know if there are bacteria in your body, in other words they will pick up an infection even if you don't have symptoms.
It seems clear that you are not the source of his infections but it is from him. Up until the day of testing you were clean. But when you tested, you may have been newly infected by him and it was too early to show up on a blood test. You would be wise to retest and rethink your sexual relationship with this guy. Ten hours seems like a safe distance to be away from him.
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| Condom Removal Spillage |
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Dear Dinah,
I used a condom during sex, then when we are done and my partner took his penis out and the condom got removed, accidentally a little semen spilled on my vaginal area, can i get hiv by this way?
Dinah answers: I'm sorry to say that even though you acted responsibly and used a condom from start to finish, spilled semen can does hold some risk if it contained HIV or other STDs. If you managed to wipe it up before it spread or if it didn't go onto your lips or any area where your natural lubrication had spread, it might mean you have less to worry about.
In any case, don't get depressed and think that you have definitely contracted HIV, because the chances, although they are real are not very high. But you still need to be responsible, use continue using condoms religiously, if you are even willing to think about having sex in the near future. Get HIV and STD tested 3 months after the event.
In future, make sure that whoever is doing the condom removal does it at a safe distance from your body.
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| STD Tested but Still Have Sores |
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Dear Dinah,
I have a tiny red sore on my vagina that burn when I urinate along with a thick white discharge. My Fiance and I have both been tested for stds and the tests came back negative. I'm not sure what is goin on!! This is not the first time I have had a sore.. They always small and red and only come one at a time.. But they only appear right before my cycle comes on!! And I also have pus like pimples but they are usually around my hairline and only appear after I shave or when the hair is growing back! Not to mention the lumps I have from time to time on my inner thigh that start off soft then become hard and form a head and when it pops pus and blood comes out!! I'm really scared
Dinah answers: There could be a few different matters here and they need different handling. The important thing to know is that it is more of a relief to deal with them than to ignore them and remain scared.
The tiny red sore is something that needs to be checked out, so arrange to go visit your gynecologist or a STD clinic just before your period on a day when the sore is out. If this is a herpes sore, it could come and go in the same place and it would be easy to miss during a check-up when it isn't active.
If this is the case, you could get medication to take when the sore feels like it is beginning to come out and this will get rid of it much sooner. You should avoid having sex when this sore is active and even use a condom for a few days afterwards, or preferable use condoms always, until this sores becomes dormant, which may happen at any time (either permanently or it could disappear for years or months at a time).
The pimples on your hairline sounds like something much less problematic. Many girls and women get ingrown hairs from shaving and other forms of hair removal, especially around skin folds or where the area is rubbed by elastic constantly.
Sure, you may believe that bikini hair is unattractive, but maybe your body is telling you that you need to give it a break. Why not get some swimwear with a cover-up (it looked great on Marilyn Monroe!) and grow it out. If you can't handle living with a few more hairs, you can dye it.
On another note, the bumps on the inner thigh sound like little boils. This you can confirm by visiting a dermatologist. Some people have a tendency to get them, especially when they are stressed and warn down. They are not contagious, but tend to hurt. They respond well to hot compressed, but most important is to eat well and drink plenty of water to clean out your skin from the inside.
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| Being Sure You're Safe from STDs |
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Dear Dinah,
I have had multiple partners, but tested negative for std. Is there a possibility to carry std even if I'm not infected.
Dinah answers: The problem with std testing is that it is practically impossible to detect each and every one. Sure, there are some tests that are very simple, such as HIV, syphilis, chlamydia, gonorrhea. As long as you do not test too early, the results are very accurate. But there are others such a herpes and HPV which sometimes have external signs, such as warts or sores, but often just live in the cells and have outbreaks from time too time. You may even have been infected for months but never had an outbreak or had a small one that passed and didn't get noticed.
So it is not possible to pass on an std if you are not infected, but it is certainly possible to be infected and have no signs and no diagnosis. The thing to do if you want to be maximally safe, is to go for regular tests. That means blood tests and any other tests your local clinic offers as well as having a doctor examine you. It also means wearing a condom with any partner with whom you aren't willing to share STDs, even if they have been tested and “given the all-clear”.
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| STD Risk Without Penetration |
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Dear Dinah,
I received oral sex from a guy and he did put his finger into my vagina. At the end, he masturbated and his cum was ejaculated on my body (ab area). NO penetration at all. I showered right afterwards. What are my chances of being infected with any STDs or HIV?
Dinah answers: The risk of being infected with HIV from oral sex is tiny but possible. The highest chances would be of spreading gonorrhea, syphilis and HPV, but possibly also herpes, hepatitis B and others. Of course the chances are significantly higher for all these STDs if the guy ejaculated in your mouth.
As for the semen that landed on your abdomen, there is no chance of this infecting you unless it dripped down towards your vagina or was somehow rubbed around your genitalia.
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| Picking Up STD During Our Breakup |
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Dear Dinah,
About two months ago my boyfriend of 7 years broke up with me. In these two months, I fooled around with 3 guys. I did not have sex with them, nor did I touch their penis. I know one penis touched my vagina, but did not insert it. now my boyfriend and I are back together, and having sex again. I cant help but think if I contracted something by those three guys. I did not have sex with them, and did not make them ejaculate or anything. But I got fingered, and oral. I know two of these guys really well... but the 3rd one I didnt. I dont have any symptoms or anything. On the head of my boyfriends penis, right by the pee hole, there is a little red dot, but he said its nothing, and that he has always had it. I am just scared I have something... help!?
Dinah answers: Although what you described is relatively safe, there is always the off chance that you transferred one of the hardier viruses like HPV during genital contact or oral sex. It is impossible to know whether you got it and gave it to him, or visa versa. It could also have been caught by one of you years ago before you were a couple, because sometimes it takes months or years to appear.
I suggest you visit an STD clinic where there is a doctor who can tell at the blink of an eye if it is or is not, and drag your guy along. Its the only way to start this relationship up again in an honest and safe way.
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| STDs without Intercourse |
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Dear Dinah,
My question has two parts: Can you contract an STD from a partner who has not had sexual relations with anyone else?
Can you contract an STD without having intercourse (merely physical contact)?
Dinah answers: There are some very specific ways that STDs can be spread without having intercourse; each STD has its own ways of being transmitted so I cannot cover all the possibilities, but here are some of the main ones.
HPV and genital herpes are spread by skin on skin contact in the genital area. SO even if there is no penetration, if you are both naked and the genital areas come in contact, there is some chance of infection. HPV, gonorrhea, chlamydia HIV can be spread through oral sex. For HIV to be transferred there must be cuts or sores in the mouth, which means it isn't spread with ease in this way, but HPV and gonorrhea can infect the throat and be passed on to the genital area and visa versa.
There are some STDs that are passed on to babies during childbirth or pregnancy, so theoretically these can be passed on to sexual partners, but in reality such children do not survive and if they do they have obvious signs, such as congenital syphilis which causes many birth defects.
Hepatitis B and C can be spread not only by sex but from blood products too, so someone who received tainted blood can pass on these infections through sex.
There are parasitical STD's that can be passed on without intercourse, such as genital scabies, but this is easily treated and leaves no damage behind.
In short, the answer is unfortunately yes, you can spread STDs without full intercourse, but in general, if you don't have unprotected oral, anal or vaginal sex and you are careful not to have any genital-to-genital skin contact, you can pretty much consider yourself well-protected.
To answer the first question, you should ask your partner about their sexual history and check all these possibilities if you want to make sure they are clean. Being a “virgin” doesn't mean that he or she is necessarily clean, if they don't consider oral sex or naked contact to be sex.
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| Risk from Insertion without Juices |
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Dear Dinah,
If i had unprotected sex with a man one time, but there was no pre-cum or ejaculation inside of me (we stopped well before this). What are the chances that I may have contracted an STD, and how soon can I get tested with an accurate result. This happened two days ago.
Dinah answers: How can you know for sure that there was no pre-cum? Its a very sneaky thing, but let's say that you are sure about this, you still have reason for concern.
While most STDs are carried in the semen or vaginal secretions, there are some infections that are passed on by direct skin contact. You need to check yourself for HPV and Herpes. Both can be tricky to find because they don't always have outbreaks that are visible. You can have a sore show up within a few days, or it could hide for months.
I suggest you visit a family planning clinic in the area and follow their schedule of tests.
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| Chances of Contracting HPV |
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Dear Dinah,
after my ex and i broke up, i know he dated/had sexual relations with a woman who was diagnosed with cancer from HPV. what is the risk of getting HPV with my ex if we decide to be sexually active together again? can i get HPV from giving him a blowjob? is there any way to tell if he is carrying HPV?
Dinah answers: HPV is a really snarly virus. Although condoms offer a certain amount of protection, they cannot prevent it if there are microscopic sores on areas that the condom doesn't cover. So knowing if your ex used a condom regularly can help reduce the chances that he got it, but it cannot promise that he is clean. The only real protection would be if this woman used a Female Condom, because this can give full protection, but only if used perfectly.
Unfortunately, you cannot know if he has contracted it or not. But it is an extremely contagious virus, so if they had sex frequently, the chances are against him being clean.
Some people develop genital warts, but there are many strains of HPV and those that cause warts are not the same as those that cause cervical cancer. If this other woman has the latter kind, which is the most dangerous and potentially fatal, you know that you shouldn't be messing with it.
As a rule of thumb, stay away from genital sex, and yes, that includes oral, until you love him (or the sex) enough to catch HPV.
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| Slipping Off During Paid Sex |
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Dear Dinah,
I had sex with a prostitute last week and before i come she decided to stop. When i checked the condom was fine. we start again and she stopped for good now and when i checked the condom was broken. It was on top of the head of my penis.
I rushed to have a shower. Do you have any suggestions?
Dinah answers: Sex with a prostitute is high risk sex. Having a condom tear or slip during high-risk sex means you have to get tested for STD's as soon as possible, including HIV.
Be sure to use a condom every time you have sex, no matter who the partner is, until at least 3 months after this episode, when you should do another HIV test.
You need to try to understand why the condom tore or slipped off. Are the condoms you use too small or too big? Try using one on when you are alone and masturbate and you should get a better idea of how it fits you. Or perhaps you need lubricated condoms.
In any case, showering after sex offers absolutely no protection for STD transmission. So take your health into your own hands and get checked.
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| Out of Time Fluid |
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Dear Dinah,
About a month ago I had PROTECTED sex (condom used) with 2 different women. Now I notice when I get an erection my penis immediately leaks a small portion of clear sticky fluid (similar to pre-cum). Prior to these sexual encounters this would only happen after I had an erection for a longer period of time and the amount of fluid coming out the tip of my penis was a smaller. Could this mean I have contracted an STD even though I had protected sex and I'm 100 percent sure the condom stayed in tact both times?
Dinah answers: If this fluid is released when you are highly turned on, even if it is soon after the erection appears, then it could well be pre-cum, which is your body preparing to ejaculate, not knowing exactly when it will happen. But if you are not particularly stimulated, it could be some infection - not necessarily sexually transmitted, it could be a bladder infection, for example. In the latter case, I would consult with a doctor; a family doctor could be a good place to start.
Condoms are highly safe when used correctly, meaning close to 100% for infections related to genital fluids. Be sure to feel confident that you have behaved responsibly and appropriately, whatever the outcome.
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| Almost Anal |
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Dear Dinah,
Am i at risk for infection if my partner tried to penetrate me anally but failed? I am 100% sure it did not enter my anus and there's little to no pre-cum. I am a little paranoid over this. Please help.
Dinah answers: There is always some risk when genitals and/or anals have any skin contact, even if the anal contact is external, without penetration. This is because STIs can be spread by pre-cum, as you are aware, but also in the case of herpes and HPV, by sores coming in contact with tiny cuts in the skin.
If he tried to penetrate, and rubbed the area with some force before he gave up trying, then the friction against the fragile anal tissue could have caused tiny tears which could make infection easy.
You should start by speaking to your partner about the chances that he has (or has ever had) any infection or sores on his penis. If you remain uncertain, then a doctor (either a gynecologist, a virologist or a dermatologist can be helpful) can take a quick look to see if there are signs. Of course, if you should feel any sores in the area, visit a dermatologist as soon as possible.
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| All Clear? |
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Dear Dinah,
My partner and i have both got checked for stds, stis hiv/aids and both of us are clear of all of the above. we have intercourse alot and sometimes anal and alot of oral sex. im wondering if we can still contract any of the above even tho we are both faithful????
Dinah answers: Having been checked is a great start and staying faithful and a great way of maintaining that, but the problem is that not all STIs can be tested and diagnosed. HIV testing is simple, but as I'm sure they would have explained to you, it is not accurate if one of you had contracted it in the 3 months or so before being tested.
As for herpes and HPV, testing is not accurate if you do not have an outbreak at the time of testing. Blood born infections can easily be detected but only if they are on the list of infections being sought. You should check which infections the clinic tested for so that you can know what you are safe from.
Some STIs simply show up over time, though most (excluding HIV and HPV) tend to have some sign soon after infection.
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| Known STD |
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Dear Dinah,
I just found out I have a std and I had protected sex with my new boyfriend and I was wondering if I could have givin him the std if any of my vaginal fluids came in contact with his penis we did not have any penetration without a condom at all. what are the chances ?
Dinah answers: Although condoms are the best form of protection that you have (after not having sex), they provide good protection for some STDs but bot all. Condoms will protect against infections that are spread through semen and vaginal fluid, such as gonorrhea, chlamydia and HIV.
But herpes and HPV (genital warts or condyloma) can be spread by skin-to-skin contact, so although a condom offers protection, it may not be full protection if you have sores on the skin that is not covered by the condom.
You need to discuss the necessary protection with your doctor or nurse and it is only fair that you tell your boyfriend about it and he gets all the facts about the risks and how you are taking care of yourself and him.
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| First Timers' Safety |
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Dear Dinah,
I was wondering what is the risk of contracting a disease when giving oral sex if both partners are virgins and have never done it with anybody else? Should we still wear protection? Or is the risk very small?
Dinah answers: If you are both first timers – if neither of you have had any oral or other form of sex – and neither of you have been infected with viruses like Hepatitis or HIV (which can be contracted by means other than sex) then you are safe and don't need to worry about protection. STDs have to be introduced by one partner, they cannot just appear, so there is nothing to worry about.
You should be careful not to have any genital contact because then you have to use contraception.
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| Anal Dangers |
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Dear Dinah,
What are the dangers of anal sex, in terms of STDs?
Dinah answers: Anal sex is more dangerous than vaginal or oral sex because the anal tissue is very fragile and easily torn during penetration, causing micro bleeding and breaks in the skin which allow viral or bacterial agents to enter. The anus also does not have natural lubrication, like the vagina and the mouth do, so tearing is again made easier.
Basically all the sexually transmitted diseased that can be contracted in vaginal sex, can also be passed with anal sex. This means HIV, herpes, syphilis, gonorrhea, HPV, chlamydia, hepatitis B and C and more.
Medium to thick condoms, used with extra lubrication offer very good (but not perfect) protection and female condoms can also be used anally.
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| Semen Thickness |
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Dear Dinah,
If a man has thick semen, is he infected? Can i get an infection from a blowjob if his semen is thick?
Dinah answers: You can get infected from a blowjob with any semen, thick or thin, frothy or smooth, tasty or bitter. Don't make the mistake of having unsafe sex and then looking for clues to what risk you've put yourself at. Most infections are past on without providing the carriers with any signs. You can assume that you are at risk of having been affected, so you should get yourself tested for as many STIs as your local clinic can check. In future, use a condom, even when for oral sex, until you know that you are both clean.
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| Rash from a Blowjob? |
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Dear Dinah,
Recently, I develop rashes on my arm, leg and near the rib area. The rashes look like HIVES rashes or mosquito bite. I am worried because a years ago, I receive a blow job from a women since then, i being looking for HIV and STD symptom. I did not have any symptom related to HIV/STD, but can HIV person still develop rashes? Is that true? What should I do?
Dinah answers: With HIV it takes many years before you start experiencing symptoms. The only way to know early on is to take a blood test at an HIV testing centre.
Other STIs may show symptoms almost immediately, or they could take years to develop. But the rash that you have described is not typically related to a disease that you have gotten sexually. You probably need to show your family doctor so that they can diagnose it and give you the appropriate treatment.
If you received a blowjob from someone and you have the feeling that she had any STI, you must get tested. From now on use a condom with all acts of sex, and don't assume that you can see signs of HIV or other STIs, on yourself or on others.
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| HIV from Non-Penetrative Sex |
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Dear Dinah,
my bf and i didnt go all the way but can i get aids if the penis didnt pass my hymen without protection
Dinah answers: You are at risk of sexually transmitted infections, including HIV/AIDS whenever there is direct contact between his penis and your vulva or vagina. That means, yes, if his penis touched your vaginal area, there is a small but real chance that he could infect you if he has an STI and he has either a tiny cut, sore or drop of wetness on his penis.
Always use a condom as soon as the underwear comes off. Meanwhile you can be tested. If you are worried about him being HIV positive, you should definitely ask him to be tested before you do any more messing around without clothes.
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| Unsafe expensive sex |
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Dear Dinah,
I had sex with a prostitute of a 5 star hotel during a business trip. She took me a blowjob without condom. This happened before 3 days. I feel healthy, but I'm afraid. Any suggestions?
Dinah answers: Expensive beds offer no protection against HIV and other STDs. What does offer protection is condoms, and I'm guessing that you already know this. There is nothing that you can do to protect yourself from some of the potential diseases, its too late, all you can do is wait and test. In the case of HIV, you should do a test after 3 months and again after 6 months. You should definitely not have unprotected sex until you have an all-clear on that.
There are other STD that can be detected by blood tests or swabs, and can be treated with antibiotics, so you should ask to be tested by your family physician or visit a local clinic.
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| Risk to Receiver of a Blowjob |
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Dear Dinah,
if i were to receive a blow job that happened a year and half ago and it was about 2 mins and no semen came or pre cum... what are the risk for hiv or stds?
Dinah answers: The risk to the receiver of a blowjob is low, and its source is different to that of the giver, but it is nevertheless there.
The receiver can be at risk if the the giver has sores or cuts in her or his mouth, and these skin openings come in contact with tiny tears in the skin of the penis. This may seem very coincidental, but actually the mouth of most people has microscopic tears or sores at various times, which may or may not be too small for them to even notice. The skin of the penis can tear from rubbing or scratching (even from rough oral sex), and while this is usually more noticeable, it is possible to have tiny open sores, especially if you have contracted herpes or HPV.
So while the chances of contracting an STD are not very high, there is definitely a possibility. By the way, the giver of the blowjob (the so-called “active” partner) is at higher risk, because they tend to come in contact with semen or pre-cum which contain STDs if they are infected with a fluid-borne infection. This is true even if there are no external signs of the STD.
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| Sanitized Oral Sex |
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Dear Dinah,
i had a blow job with a girl ..by using a condom and she used hand sanitizer ...i didn't touch her. is their any chances of getting an std?
Dinah answers: If you had a condom on throughout the act, then you are safe and as long as no ejaculate spilled on her when you removed the condom, then she is safe too. The chances of an std (or STI, sexually transmitted infection) are not zero (no doctor will ever say anything is 100%), but they are so negligible that you can really feel safe.
By the way, the condom is enough; hand sanitizer does nothing in this case, except make her feel better.
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| Herpes and Co. |
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Dear Dinah,
i was recently diagnosed with herpes. i haven't been sexually active since last two years and even then haven't had any penetrative sex. but the guy i was seeing then did masturbate close enough to my vagina. should i get tested for HIV?
Dinah answers: You seem very aware of yourself and your health, which is commendable. As I'm sure you've been told, herpes is a virus that will cause outbreaks that you are going to probably have to live with, but at least it will not endanger your health (during childbirth an outbreak can be dangerous to the baby, you'll need to consult on this if and when the time comes).
HIV is not as simple, and you are also at risk if you managed to contract herpes. Furthermore, herpes sores will increase your chances of getting infected by HIV if you are exposed to it, so take good care to be safe from now on.
I would advise that you to go for an HIV test and test for other STDs at the same opportunity.
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| Virgin Protection |
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Dear Dinah,
Giving a man blow job with hiv/aids can i be infected. As a virgin can i be infected if his semen touches my vulva without going into my body.
Dinah answers: If your partner / boyfriend / lover is HIV-positive you must absolutely not allow his blood or semen to come in contact with any part of your body. This does not mean avoiding penetrative sex only, it means oral sex too, so no blowjobs. This also means that if he masturbates, you should not be close enough to have any contact with his ejaculate.
Being a virgin is about as relevant as having blue eyes. Your hymen offers absolutely no protection; on any single occasion, you can be infected as easily as someone who is sexually hyper-active. You should know that when it comes to getting pregnant and getting infected with HIV or any other STD, anywhere around the vulva area is close enough.
Please, be careful.
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| STDs and Virgins |
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Dear Dinah,
Regarding blowjobs, if both partners are virgins with no hereditary STDs (such as a mother having HIV and passing it onto her child), is it possible for the giver of the fellatio to get any kind of STD or infection by swallowing bodily fluids?
Dinah answers: If you consider virgins to be people who have not had vaginal/anal sex but people who may have had oral sex, then it is definitely possible to be infected with and to pass on certain STDs.
The most notably example is gonorrhea, which can very easily be passed on by oral sex because it can infect the throat; it is a common expression of unsafe oral sex. In fact, any bacteria or viruses that live in different cells or body fluids can be transferred by mouth and hand, and not only when the genitals come in contact.
You'd be advised to do a full STD check-up at your local clinic or family planning centre before going ahead with it (excuse the pun). In the meantime, be safe by using a condom and/or dental dam.
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| How Healthy is Oral Sex? |
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Dear Dinah,
Is Oral Sex good for your health or not, if there is no STD?
Dinah answers: You are right to note that STDs can be transferred by oral sex. If you are sure that neither your partner nor yourself have any STDs, you can relax and enjoy oral sex. There are many people who believe that semen and vaginal juice is really good for you, but since you don't have huge amounts, I wouldn't consider it a major contribution to your diet.
The actual physical acts of oral sex are good for you just like any form of sex is good for you - if you are doing it out of choice and enjoying it. For women who feel like they are breaking their jaw doing fellatio, it isn't much fun nor does it give them the will to do it too often, but if you can enjoy the feeling of receiving and the feeling of giving, its great for relaxation, stress levels and for your relationship.
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| Pain and Bleeding |
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Dear Dinah,
my vagina feels bruised and its sore to pee and i've started bleeding but it seems to be bleeding from the outside can you help me?
Dinah answers: You haven't mentioned whether this is from someone using excessive force on you or something else, like an infection in the area. Bleeding could also be caused by sores from STD's.
In any case, please do not try to take care of this by yourself, or via internet advise. You need to see a doctor, whatever the cause. If your pain is a result of abuse you need to check that there are no cuts or tears that need care to stop infection. The next stage is getting a safe distance away from the perpetrator. Abuse or violent sex may put you at greater risk for STD's and a doctor can give you antibiotics that prevent disease before it attacks.
Sometimes your body heals itself, and some people prefer to wait it out instead of visiting a doctor, but I strongly suggest that you don't do this, not when it concerns such a sensitive area and your sexual health. Treatment now can prevent complications that can potentially make sex painful and dangerous in the future.
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| HIV Spread Without Penetration |
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Dear Dinah,
Can HIV be transmitted in the case of male pre-cum & vaginal discharge coming in contact on the tip of vagina, with out penetration?
Dinah answers: I'm not sure if by the tip of the vagina you mean the labia or the clitoris or elsewhere. In any case, the closer it is to the vaginal entrance, the more chance there is of HIV (or any other STD) being spread. Although pre-cum contains very small amounts of the virus, if the status of your sexual partner is not known, then even this is to be considered potential risk behaviour. To be more clear – yes, genital contact without penetration CAN spread HIV and STDs when fluids are involved.
The vaginal discharge contains cervical mucus which is slightly stretchy in texture, because it is meant to guide the semen into the vagina and up towards the cervix. Wherever there is vaginal discharge, there is the chance of coming in contact with this mucus and therefore HIV can enter the vagina. There is more mucus around the time of ovulation, but this is not to say that you are completely safe at other times.
Of course, the vaginal discharge will also contain HIV if the woman is a carrier, and this will endanger the male if his penis or genitalia come in contact with it.
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| Holy Condom |
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Dear Dinah,
I had sex with a woman yesterday and the condom had a few small holes on the side of it, but there was none at the tip of the condom.. as soon as i realized it i took the condom off and changed it.. i dont know if any semen or other fluids got on my penis.. when i got home and took off my boxers there was a few reddish brown looking stains on them.. What could that have been?
Dinah answers: Using a broken condom means it is ineffective, wherever the holes are. It is not clear what the reason is for those holes, but whatever causes tearing on the side may have caused tearing anywhere else. If they are breaking during the process of putting them on, you need to practice condom use when you aren't in the middle of a sexual act. If the condom arrived in this condition, which is highly unlikely if it is a good brand, you need to disregard the whole pack.
As far as the reddish brown stains go, this is a separate issue. This could be the sign of an STD (sexually transmitted infection or disease), because some STDs cause such discharge. These STDs are easily treatable. It could be coming from you or your partner, but if one of you has suspicion of an infection, both of you need to be tested.
Another explanation is residual staining from her period. This could have gotten directly onto your clothes or onto your penis and from there onto your boxers. You should check with her if she was just before or after her period, which could cause her to discharge reddish mucus or to spot. You should get tested at an STD centre in any case, because you know that you have used a faulty condom.
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| STD's in Virgins |
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Dear Dinah,
I was wondering if STD's might happen in couples who never had sex before? My boyfriend and I are still virgin and never had any intercourse before but we did pleasure ourselves by masturbating and all that. So my question is, can we still get infected by STD's?
Dinah answers: Although there are some STD's that you dont have to worry about if you have not had sex before, you still could have contracted an STD in other ways. The tricky part is trying to understand what "masturbating and all that" involves.
You can very possibly contract STD's through oral sex or anal sex and there are some very STD's like HPV (Human Papillomavirus) which may under some circumstances be passed on by hand. STD's caused by parasites, such as Pubic Lice, can be passed on by skin to skin contact without any penetration.
Basically this means you have to practice safe sex whenever there is some genital contact. If either of you has had some form of genital contact with another person, there is a small chance that they would have contracted an STD and could possibly pass it on.
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| Pain Related to Position? |
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Dear Dinah,
My boyfriend and I had sex not too long ago. I’m not sure what the position is called but I had one leg on one shoulder and one on the other and he was on top of me [his head in the middle of my legs]. It was hurting really, really badly and afterwards I had sharp pains in my lower stomach area and I had a little bleeding and lately I have been getting brownish/reddish thick discharge and I'm not sure what’s going on.
Dinah answers: The lower abdominal pains and discharge are not related to the position you used. It sounds as if you have some sort of infection. The sex may have irritated it, or it may not be related to the timing of the sex.
In any case you should see your physician and so should your partner. The treatment may be simple, but if you are not both treated, one of you could reinfect the other, even if he has no symptoms.
Even if your pain and discharge pass on their own, you must have this seen to. If you have an STD, you cannot be sure that it will not recur or cause other problems at a later stage.
Meanwhile, be sure to use condoms or dams every time you have any genital contact.
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| HIV from a Blow Job |
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Dear Dinah,
If a woman affected by HIV/AIDS, gives a blow job to a man, what are the chances for a man to get HIV/AIDS? That man did not have any cuts in his penis.
Dinah answers: The chances are very low, well below 1%, but it is still possible. You do not need visible cuts on your penis, it is possible that you have micro-tears in the skin, from friction during sex or masturbation in the previous day or so.
During a blow job, the risk is greater for the woman than for the man. The risk of other STD’s is also greater than that of HIV, because they are very infectious; if you fear that this woman has been exposed to HIV, she could have other STDs.
This low rate of HIV risk can let you feel more at ease, but to be absolutely sure you need to be especially careful to have safe sex for the next three months until you can do an HIV test.
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| Is there Sex after HIV? |
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Dear Dinah,
I would like to understand how do you have sex if your partner is HIV positive?
Dinah answers: First of all, with extreme care. Many couples who are serodiscordant, meaning one of the two is HIV-positive, choose to keep clear of vaginal, anal or oral sex. Others continue to have sex using condoms and dental dams. In the end of the day (or night) it is important to feel safe, otherwise the sex may not be worth having.
Remember that there is no 100% safe sex, thus the term used is "safer sex". This is true whether you know that your partner is HIV-positive, or whether you are sleeping with someone whose status you are not sure of.
To answer your question, sex among discordant couples can involve the thousands of variations of sexual behaviour that go beyond genital-on-genital or mouth-on-genital action, from kissing and touching to erotic massage and masturbation. They need to make sure they avoid direct contact with blood, semen, vaginal fluid, open sores and breast milk.
Many HIV-positive individuals seek out others who are HIV-positive in order to continue having a sex life without the fear of infecting their partner. There are even dedicated internet dating sites for carriers. But this is not as simple as it sounds; since different strains of HIV exist, a carrier of one strain can be infected with another strain of HIV, developing dual infection. This means a greater viral load and more complex drug therapy.
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| HIV & Oral Sex |
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Dear Dinah,
What are the dangers of a woman [or man] catching HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases from giving a blow-job?
Dinah answers: This can be very risky. Semen of an infected man will contain the virus and this can enter the partner`s blood stream through tiny cuts and sores in the mouth, which most people have quite regularly, without even being aware of them.
Swallowing ejaculate is not necessarily more dangerous that having it enter the mouth, because it does not enter the bloodstream through the digestive system. By avoiding ejaculation in the mouth, the danger is not removed because pre-cum, which is the small amount of fluid released before ejaculation to clear out the plumbing, would have the virus present if the ejaculator is HIV-positive.
By the way, the chances of a man contracting HIV from receiving a blow-job are significantly smaller than all other genital sex acts, but the risk still exists. In this case the partner giving head would need to have cuts or sores in her or his mouth, and these would need to come in contact with cuts or sores on the penis.
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| Sex with HIV or AIDS |
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Dear Dinah,
What`s the difference between HIV and full-blown AIDS? Is having sex with an AIDS patient more dangerous than with someone who has HIV?
Dinah answers: Being HIV-positive means a person has been infected with the virus, HIV. An HIV-positive person can be totally healthy while the virus takes its time reproducing in the body, and it can take as long as 10 years before the immune system becomes weakened by the virus and illnesses and infections start taking over. A person who is HIV-positive cannot be identified by signs other than a blood test (or tests of other body fluids), so to be safe you need to use condoms until a blood test, taken at least 3 months after the last possible infectious opportunity.
AIDS means that HIV viral level has increased in the body and has killed certain T-cells, which means that the immune system will be hardly able to protect against disease. A person is diagnosed with AIDS under one of two circumstances.
1. The CD4+ T-cells, which in a healthy person are above the count of 1,000 (cells per cubic millimeter of blood) drop below 200.
2. A person develops one of over 30 diseases that frequently occur when the T-cell count is very low, but generally don’t occur in healthy people. These are often called Opportunistic Infections and include Tuberculosis, Kaposi`s Sarcoma, Bacterial Pneumonia, Dementia and Wasting Syndrome.
A person becomes infectious as soon as they themselves are infected. In fact, there is a dangerous time when they are first infected, known as the "window period". For approximately 3 months after a person is infected, the virus exists in their body, but the number of viral units is too small to be picked up by a blood test, so if a partner is tested during this time, they could appear to be negative, but will actually be infected. It is wise to retest after this period, or use condoms for at least three months from one`s last risky contact, before testing.
As the viral load increases over the years, the number of viral units increase in all the body fluids. Theoretically this makes infection easier, but in reality, even a recently infected person has sufficient viral units to make infection possible.
Ironically, fewer people are infected by people who have full-blown AIDS than those who are HIV carriers, simply because AIDS patients become sick and weak and are less likely to be sexually active.
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